If you asked someone who knew me, "Has CJ changed something about herself?", most anyone would say, "Yeah, she lost a bunch of weight.".

One or two people very close to me would say, "Yeah, she lost a lot of weight and she's much more free and happy than she used to be."

Both sets of people would be correct.  I did lose a bunch of weight; a little more than a 100 pounds.  So which came first, smaller butt or bigger happy?  It all happened at the same time.  I couldn't start having success at weight loss until I became more happy with myself, and I became more happy with everything as I realized I was having success with weight loss. 

It all started with shifting perspective.  
Discard the: 
"Why do I have to be so fat?"
"Why can so and so eat whatever they want and stay thin?"
"I'm always going to be fat."
"I'm so stupid, why did I eat that?". 
Insert some:
"Today I am going to eat food that is good for me and makes me feel good." 
"Today I exercised, just like I said I would." 
"This week I ate on plan 6 out of 7 days."

A plan of action followed by...actual action...built faith in myself.  I remember in the early days of losing weight that sometimes I would just be taken aback, surprised that I was actually doing it.  It seemed so unbelievable after 20+ years of being obese that I was actually making a consistent change. 

This didn't happen overnight, it took about two years to lose the weight.  I've maintained the loss for a year and a half or so.  I actually think I could lose a little more, but that is a different challenge at this stage of the game. 

Regardless, I'm a different person.  Literally, people who knew me before don't recognize me on the street.  Sometimes when I notice how differently I look at the world, I'm not sure I recognize myself.  I believe in myself and don't always assume failure is right around the corner.  That's a big change.

Surprisingly enough, it often ends up being cooking.  I didn't notice the pattern until recent years.  I have a passion for cooking.  I love when I have the opportunity to share it with others. 

Today, my five year old watched as our friend's 3 y/o daughter became upset when told it was time to leave our house.

He came to me urgently requesting a snack bag so he could put some of his jellybeans in it.  He gave it to her, telling us "I just wanted to cheer her up so she could enjoy leaving."

Empathy is lovely, isn't it?

CJ

I met my sweetheart, well, in high school.  High school sweethearts.  Our fifteen year old daugther was just lamenting not ever having had a boyfriend.  Mike and I were extolling the virtue of quality over quantity.  Reminded her that her dad hadn't dated anybody until we met when he was in 11th grade, and I had only dated a couple people.  She says, "Yeah, but nobody DOES that anymore."

Some may say that there is little chance that high school romances will endure.  It appears for us it is working.  I can't imagine that it won't stick for the long haul, given all that we have already had to test us.  We will be married 20 years next June.

My husband.

He has believed in me no matter how dark my days got.  He helped me see that life is beautiful and worth living.  He has made me the healthy and growing person I am today not by pushing and prodding;  not by saying much of anything.

He did this by being here.  Staying here when times got tough.  By never, yes I really mean never, berating me for being who I am.  He has done this by quietly having constant faith that everything will be fine, and reminding me of that when I was severely unsure that it was true.

Thank you to him.

I hope to be just like him when I grow up.

The perfect gift to myself, that I could give myself by my next birthday....

To be at my goal weight.  I have been losing weight for 2 years.  I have lost 100 lbs.  It has been a journey of spiritual growth and personal commitment.  I have around 30-40 lbs left.  My birthday is at the end of the year.  This is do-able.  What a perfect gift, to be healthy and light and full of vigor.

CJ

Horses and helping people.

Reference previous blog; my dream is to create a place for people to come to renew, learn about themselves, move towards what life is asking of them.

My hope is that horses are incorporated into this program.  They are magical and have so much to teach us about ourselves.

Namaste
CJ

Me.

I have had many intense life altering experiences in my life.  Abuse and dysfunction in my family growing up altered the course of my life and development of personality in a profound way.  Am I sorry?  Not so much anymore.

Intensely influential people  have come into my life at just the right times to further my development.  In the end I choose how I use those experiences.  Some people never reach out and grab those opportunities or see them for the gift they are.

So I alter my life with the help of these often strange and usually, in the end, wonderful opportunities.  I choose not to be in a distracted stupor.  I am constantly searching and learning.

Take care
CJ

It is 10:33 CST right now.  The ambient air temperature outside is -20 degrees Farenheit.  This picture is not from corner of the world.  At these temperatures thick frost cannot form.  But this reminds of how it is outside.  The sun is fiercely bright when it's this cold it seems.  There is no blanket of clouds to warm the air.

Many complain and kvetch about temperatures this cold.  Is there really a point to this negative expenditure of energy?  There is no changing the temperature outdoors.  How about finding a way to be grateful for it? 

For me, temperatures this cold mean my best friend, my husband, stays home.  It is a nice treat to have breakfast in a leisurely fashion with him.  If I must go out in the frigid air, I don't have to bundle up my 4 year old and take him with me.  That often feels like a vacation. 

This weather reminds me to be a light of non-complaint in the world.  It reminds me to be grateful in all things.

Have a great day
Namaste
CJ